thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
