i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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