Kiss
Puke
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize