remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
