did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
