wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
