you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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