chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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