If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
