Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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