her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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