I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize