I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
