all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
