there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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