I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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