my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
