Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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