i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
