I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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