Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
