Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
