college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
