oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
