I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
