You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
