I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
