I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize