I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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