i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
