There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
