You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
