The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
