and i looked up. we had an audience...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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