New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was born a porn star she said
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
