I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
