What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
