Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
