remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
