i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
