She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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