I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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