Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
