Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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