He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
