i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
