remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
