FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
