No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
