please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
