Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
