You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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