i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
