i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
