I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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