My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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