I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
