just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize