On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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