You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
