I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
