Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
