This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You've changed since you got that strap on
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
