Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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