Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
