Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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