oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
