I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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