somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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