i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Terrible idea I love it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
