words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize