a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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