Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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