I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
