Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
