Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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