dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
