never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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